The patron saint of friendship is St. Aelred of Rievaulx (1110–1167), the English Cistercian abbot who wrote the book Spiritual Friendship, one of the great Christian works on the subject, and who taught that “God is friendship.” The saints have often been the closest of friends: St. Basil and St. Gregory, St. Francis and St. Clare, St. Perpetua and St. Felicity. Below are St. Aelred’s story, famous friendships among the saints, what Scripture says about friendship, and Catholic prayers for friends and for finding good friends.
A short prayer for friends, written for this page:
Lord Jesus, you called your disciples your friends.
Thank you for the friends you have given me.
Bless them, protect them, and keep our friendship rooted in you. Amen.
St. Aelred of Rievaulx
Aelred was born in 1110 in Hexham, in the north of England, and grew up at the court of King David I of Scotland, where he was loved for his gentleness and gift for friendship. At twenty-four he entered the new Cistercian monastery of Rievaulx in Yorkshire, and in 1147 he became its abbot. Under him Rievaulx grew to some six hundred monks and lay brothers, and he was known for his patience, his kindness to the weak and his refusal to send anyone away.
In his book Spiritual Friendship, written as a conversation with his monks, Aelred taught that true friendship begins in Christ, grows in Christ and is perfected in Christ, and he dared to adapt St. John’s words, “God is love,” into “God is friendship.” He suffered for years from painful illness and died on January 12, 1167. His feast is January 12, and he is honored as the patron of friendship.
Famous friendships among the saints
- David and Jonathan, whose souls were “knit” together (1 Kings 18:1, Douay-Rheims; 1 Samuel 18:1).
- Jesus and Lazarus, Martha and Mary, his friends at Bethany. See the St. Martha prayer.
- St. John the Apostle, “the disciple whom Jesus loved.” See St. John the Apostle.
- St. Perpetua and St. Felicity, a noblewoman and her slave who died side by side as martyrs in 203.
- St. Basil the Great and St. Gregory Nazianzen, student friends at Athens who became bishops and Doctors of the Church, and share a feast on January 2.
- St. Francis and St. Clare of Assisi, who encouraged each other in poverty and prayer. See the St. Clare prayer.
- St. Francis de Sales and St. Jane Frances de Chantal, who founded the Visitation Order together. See the St. Francis de Sales prayer.
Scripture on friendship
The book of Ecclesiasticus (Sirach) on a faithful friend (Ecclesiasticus 6:14–16, Douay-Rheims):
A faithful friend is a strong defence: and he that hath found him, hath found a treasure.
Nothing can be compared to a faithful friend, and no weight of gold and silver is able to countervail the goodness of his fidelity.
A faithful friend is the medicine of life and immortality: and they that fear the Lord, shall find him.
And Christ’s words to His disciples (John 15:14–15):
You are my friends, if you do the things that I command you.
I will not now call you servants: for the servant knoweth not what his lord doth. But I have called you friends: because all things whatsoever I have heard of my Father, I have made known to you.
Catholic prayers for friends
Written for this page.
Prayer for my friends
Heavenly Father, I thank you for each of my friends.
Bless them in body and soul, help them in their troubles,
draw them closer to you, and let me be a faithful friend to them,
honest, patient and ready to forgive. Amen.
Prayer to find good friends
St. Aelred, you knew how to make friends in Christ.
Pray that God will send me friends who will lead me to Him,
and help me to be that kind of friend for others. Amen.
For a friendship that is hurting
Lord, our friendship is wounded.
Heal what is broken between us, give us humility to apologize and grace to forgive,
and if it is your will, make our friendship stronger than before. Amen.
For a friend who has died
Lord, I give back to you the friend you gave me.
Grant (name) eternal rest, comfort me in my loss,
and let us meet again in your kingdom. Amen.
See the prayers for deceased loved ones.
Frequently asked questions
Who is the patron saint of friendship?
St. Aelred of Rievaulx, the Cistercian abbot who wrote Spiritual Friendship. His feast is January 12.
Who is a female patron saint of friendship?
Many women take St. Perpetua and St. Felicity, the martyr friends of Carthage (feast March 7), or St. Clare of Assisi, the friend of St. Francis.
What does the Church say about friendship?
The Catechism calls friendship a great good when it is chaste and leads to spiritual communion (CCC 2347). Jesus Himself called His disciples friends.
More prayers
- Patron saints of family
- Catholic prayer for family
- St. Valentine prayer
- St. John the Apostle
- Prayers for deceased loved ones
- Unusual patron saints
Texts and sources
- Ecclesiasticus 6:14–16, John 15:14–15 and 1 Kings 18:1 (Douay-Rheims).
- Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2347.